You’ve seen me naked.

You can say you haven’t, but you are probably lying. The night Leno mentioned me in his monologue the servers crashed three times. Still insisting you haven’t peeked? That you’ve never seen the piercing? The tat of a falling blue jay? I will pretend to believe you. You could have learned these details in less-disturbing ways. There was the in-depth segment on Nightline, and the unauthorized bio in Maxim. I am the hottest thing on the Internet, and I will live forever. Or at least for as long as Marcus and Lydia maintain the feed. In truth, the day you stop watching, they will kill me.

You may get to see that too.

I am jon.com. And you are my lifeline.